For years, Carmelo’s happily plodded along as one of Austin’s top Italian restaurants, providing a faux-fancy dining experience with ill-conceived, fussy dishes and outdated theatrics. Tableside fettuccine carbonara—a dish that’s heavenly when done right—is a goofy gimmick here.

Located downtown in a graceful one-story 1870s hotel, the restaurant has ivy-covered walls, intimate outdoor dining, and cheesy Carnevale-inspired murals and sculptures. Inside, the clichéd décor employs both Italian and Texan stereotypes: wine racks, trellises, floral draperies accenting columns and walls, and a longhorn head mounted near the door.

You can confidently begin with beef carpaccio, served paper-thin with lemon, oil, parmesan, and pepper—it’s as rich and yet light as it should be. Avoid a Caprese salad with watery and grainy bufala and underripe tomatoes. Pastas are tender yet toothsome, but with bland sauces. Steaks are overcooked a bit (err on the rare side). Sautéed veggie sides like industrial-tasting baby corn and carrots are straight outta the ’80s. But two things not to be missed at Carmelo’s are the fantastic dessert cart, stocked with at least a dozen different cakes, and the equally well-stocked drink cart, laden with Cognacs, Argmanacs, grappas, and even Calvados. Beyond that, the wine list is one you’d expect to read in the pulsing strobe lights of a strip-club stage. At least there, any tableside preparations would be more convincing.