San Antonio came late to the Brazilian churrascaria trend. But, after a couple of false starts, we have now three. Newcomer Texas de Brazil wins in the dramatic décor department, but gets clipped in the swordfight that is the presentation of meats. Apart from the dramatic display of faux fleurs that crowns it, TdB also has a less impressive salad bar—though the dressings are a notch above average and the spicy-sweet shrimp will appeal to many. A hot buffet also presents aromatic lobster bisque and a sketch version of feijoada.

But the sword-skewered meats are the meal’s mainstay for most. The lamb chop, the garlic-marinated top sirloin, the shaved flank steak and spicy sausage are all too salty, but flavors are good if you insist on no more than medium rare. Avoid like the plague anything with parmesan—and pork loin however it’s done, even if one of the charming “gauchos” says it’s “like jamón.” Resist the fatty ribs. The Spiderwoman-like aerialist, performing behind the glass wall that fronts a soaring wine “cellar,” can’t be avoided as she retrieves wines or simply spins out of boredom.

As for the often-secondary sides, Texas de Brazil has real mashed potatoes (though they’re served too early and thus get cold), cute cheese rolls, and cinnamon-spiked fried bananas. The “desserts” are presented in lifelike plastic form for ordering purposes, a puzzling practice that’s both creepy and funny. Only the decent key lime pie seems defensible après orgy; the carrot cake is also lackluster.