“What the Fearless Critic books and apps have that UrbanSpoon and Yelp don’t is a complete lack of bullshit.”
“I’ve spent years driving around with Zagat...but I think I’ll replace it with this Fearless Critic guide.”
–Leslie Brenner,
Dallas Morning News
Fearless Critic restaurant review
Houston
Food
Feel
Price
8.8
6.0
$10
Burgers
Food cart

Features Kid-friendly, outdoor dining
Bar None
Credit cards Visa, MC, AmEx

www.berniesburgerbus.com

Upper Kirby
Lizzards Pub: 2715 Sackett St.
(281) 386-2447
Hours
Wed–Fri 5:00pm–9:00pm

Montrose
Inversion: 1953 Montrose Blvd.
(281) 386-2447
Hours
Mon, Wed 11:00am–2:00pm
Bernie’s Burger Bus
A bright yellow schoolbus that schools Houston on the ideal burger

Some basic burger arithmetic:

Problem: Burger > mouth = irritation + mess

Solution: Bernie’s burgers, while substantial, are a manageable size and not super drippy.

Problem: “Medium-rare” = “Medium-well” (FALSE)

Solution: Char-tasting burgers are actually cooked to order.

Problem: Mobile food = impossible to grid

Solution: You can depend on two locations: Lizzard’s Pub (Wed-Fri nights, on whose patio you can enjoy a dive-bar beer), and Inversion Coffeehouse at lunchtime (Mon and Wed). Check the website or Twitter (@berniesburgers) for other appearances.

Problem: French fries + 10 minutes = suck

Solution: Bernie’s actually stand up to time, and homemade ketchup + chipotle aïoli = awesomeness.

Problem: Mayo + mustard + ketchup + pickle + thin-sliced onions + lettuce + slow-roasted garlic tomatoes = “The Principal”

Solution: Actually, not a problem at all.

Problem: 2(Applewood smoked bacon grilled-cheese sandwich) + 2(patty) + Texas cheddar + caramelized onions = “Detention,” or HEART ATTACK.

Solution: None. But what a way to go.

Comments (1)