Is there any cow in Austin more sacred than Hyde Park Bar and Grill? Amiably positioned beneath an iconic fork that bears homage to its famous french fries, it’s been a neighborhood favorite for decades—by virtue, mainly, of being the only thing around. This is certainly a non-threatening place to take brunching in-laws or children, but unless you’re one of those self-styled “non-picky” eaters, move along.

Otherwise, meet the “Horseshoe Sandwich,” an open-faced burger on Texas toast, topped with a mountain of fries and then drowned in an absolutely addictive cheddar-cheese sauce. Those famous fries are, unsurprisingly, divisive: thickly battered and liberally seasoned, but mealy inside and too dependent on a spicy mayonnaise-based sauce. Macaroni and cheese has all the complex, golden hallmarks of a homemade version, and meatloaf, chicken-fried steak, and such are just okay.

If the comfort food is merely adequate, the rest of the menu reads like a reel of 1982 lowlights: “Penne Florentine” with spinach, red onion, mushrooms, basil, and red bell pepper; grilled salmon with lemon pesto butter and rice pilaf; vegetable stir-fry with hoisin sauce and an egg roll. You’ll have to get drunk to enjoy that stuff. Luckily, to that end, brunch features a great Bloody Mary that, at least at one time, included homemade beef stock. If this level of talent and creativity extended to the humdrum, critter-heavy wine list—or the rest of the menu—we might even come for dinner.