The most charitable thing we can say about the food at Shu Shu’s is that it’s inoffensive. It’s also unmemorable, unflavorful, and unjustifiable. If, from the outside, the building appears boxy and bland, it’s equally nonspecific inside. The wall of windows (looking out on the rippling Lone Star flags of a Dairy Queen and used car lot) and pastel walls are totally generic; one gets the feeling that Shu Shu’s figured if this “Asian” thing didn’t work out, they could exchange the few pieces of catalog-ordered art for whimsical goods from some other region.

There are a few shelves of condiments, like lip-numbing chili oil, hot mustard, and Sriracha—and you’ll need these in large quantities. These rice bowls and noodle bowls are, at best, bland and oily; at worst, they’re sweet and gloopy. Here, as at Zen (which we like slightly better for its attempt at variety and vibe) and Mama Fu’s, low-quality ingredients are tossed dramatically and with too much oil, giving diners the false impression that because it’s made fresh to order, it’s good and good for you. But life is too short for soulless gut-stuffing like this, and there are Korean, Chinese, and Vietnamese noodles near Shu Shu’s that are immeasurably better, and can still offer you healthy experiences. This isn’t even loosely based on the real thing. Someone should form an Asian-food anti-defamation league in response to it.

On second thought, this is pretty offensive.