If we were baffled by Hai Ky’s popularity before, we’re now at a complete loss. The difference between the branches is the most noteworthy thing about it; the one on Oltorf is a total hole in the wall; the one in Westlake is, unsurprisingly, much nicer; and the Drag location is dim and clean, with a palette of squash colors.

But the food still just doesn’t do it for us. And it’s a pity, because we like everything else about Hai Ky: it’s low-key fun, it’s cheap, portions are huge, and service is friendly. In fact, until chopstick hits mouth, it is precisely the sort of place we would want in our neighborhood as the go-to haunt. It’s just those pan-Asian dishes are uniformly unsatisfactory. Pho broth is just okay, while the noodles are squidgy and overcooked and the meat completely leathery. The create-your-own-stir-fry section of the menu is straight-up Chinese-American, with a selection of sauces like lemongrass or Szechuan broccoli that are put on your protein of choice; the resulting mix just punches you in the face with sweet-saltiness. Tough spring rolls, filled with iceberg lettuce and chewy vermicelli, have come with a disconcertingly fizzy peanut sauce. Satay beef, which bears no resemblance to the familiar tangy skewers, has an exaggerated, syrupy brown sauce; somehow, we mind it less on the comparatively well-prepared tofu.