Tiny Boxwood’s, how cruel and kind you are!

Cruel:

You must stand in an interminable line to order, but no one can hold your table.

The chocolate-chip cookie. Evil incarnate.

The pastries are not that good.

Service is pretty rude.

Pizza crusts are whiter than the clientele.

The ho-hum wine list panders to whatever’s appeared recently on “Desperate Housewives:” Malbec, Shiraz, Cakebread, watery Pinot Grigio, and buttery Chardonnay.

The prices. We must be paying for the adorable topiaries and posh wicker furnishings.

Kind:

The adorable topiaries and posh wicker furnishings.

The secluded, lovely garden of the Thompson + Hansen Nursery actually convinces us there’s no ugly concrete jungle out there.

The salads are nice.

Giant lattes and homemade mint lemonade are good.

Breakfast pizzas get an egg on top.

Fluffy quiche.

Again, the atmosphere. It’s like a visual positive affirmation for achieving wealth.