Ingredients:

1 brick of fresh tofu from—where else?—Fresh Tofu. No substitutions.

Bunch of scallions, cut in 1-inch diagonals

1/2 lb. ground pork

2 Tbsp. chili oil with red pepper flakes

1/2 tsp. fresh-ground Szechuan peppercorns—set aside more

1/2 tsp. cornstarch, made into paste

Peanut oil

Salt and pepper

Directions:

At Fresh Tofu: Ignore odd occasional cat pee smell. Ask for one fresh tofu ($2). If cashless, you need to meet the $10 minimum, so grab some cha lua, Vietnamese ham with rice in fried tofu balls, and some colorful rice-based sweets. Don’t think too hard about what “Borax” refers to on the ingredients sticker.

Home: Heat peanut oil on high and coat wok. Toss in scallions and stir fry for 1–2 minutes. Meanwhile, put ground Szechuan peppercorns on your tongue and start drooling. Drink water. Isn’t that neat? Your scallions are burning.

Add pork and brown lightly. Add tofu, Szechuan peppercorns, salt, and pepper. Decide you want more Szechuan peppercorns and grind furiously. Panic and dump in about 2 tablespoons’ worth. Stir fry another 2 minutes. Add chili oil, stir, then add cornstarch paste. Remove from heat and keep stirring until thickened. Enjoy incredibly nutty, fresh tofu flavor.