Just a block away from Sherlock’s Baker Street Pub is Bagpipes, another of the Brit-fetish bars in which white-collar Research-Boulevard workers aggregate to drink away the stress of the day. But where Sherlock’s feels more legitimately old and pubbish, Bagpipes looks like a modern, generic sports bar with a few cartoonish faux castle stones planted here and there. Walls are painted in deep jewel tones, and flat-screen TVs and video games dominate the bar side. We’re not sure where the self-proclaimed “authentic pub experience” is in all of this: Guinness posters, short tartan skirts on the bartenders (who are so young-looking that we wonder if we should be carding them), and a proliferation of four-leaf clovers all add up to an ineffective overstatement—but the clientele doesn’t care.

This is 100% a pub. In other words, don’t listen to the menu. Yellowtail is considered a “Premium Wine,” and Sour Pucker appletinis fall under “Celtic Specialties.” You come here for two dozen other reasons, each one a tap pouring either Texas or British favorites. By the bottle, there are a few standard Czechs and Belgians sprinkled among the domestic and imported usual suspects. It’s a pretty thorough, if not thrilling, selection, and one that improves considerably when you consider that Happy Hour is all day, every day (so can it be called “Happy Hour” then?). This means you can drink for as little as $2 a pint, so long as you’re not terribly picky.

The low beverage-profit margin is certainly made up for by the bar food, which is ridiculously overpriced for the level of enjoyment that you’ll get from it, even if you’re under the influence. Fish and chips are less than crispy and served with cocktail sauce instead of traditional malt vinegar, and shepherd’s pie is oily and dull. A cheeseburger has good flavor from the grill but feels dry, and the bun, though appearing toasted, is spongy and doesn’t taste fresh. And it requires an awful lot of hubris to produce a “Fire in the Hole” burger this mild, when Pluckers’ nuclear version is a few feet away. The only items under $8 are appetizers—but the surly service is free.

If the Olde-English sign out front reminds you of a Hot Topic store, it’s fitting: both places are phony, forced, and overpriced.