At first blush, you might not notice that Jake’s Grill and Jake’s Famous Crawfish form parts of the McCormick & Schmick’s chain. That’s not quite as terrible a fact as it might sound: McCormick’s is one of the least of chain evils, and the company actually makes some effort to source fish locally. Plus, they have a penchant for theming. The two Jake’s branches have a fun old-school vibe, with clubby dark woods, tablecloths, older male waiters, and brass accents. They’re the sorts of places into which, on a cold day, visitors to town are easily lured by promises of warm air and caricatured local nostalgia.

One of the branches, Jake’s Grill, is located on the bottom floor of the historic Governor’s Hotel and looks absolutely charming from the outside, like an above-ground Cheers. Inside, though, the carpet is unmistakably hotelesque, busy and in dark hues, and a huge sepia-tone mural depicts a placid, friendly scene between Native Americans and what appears to be Davy Crockett. Jake’s Crawfish, meanwhile, is kind of San-Francisco-Fisherman’s-Wharf precious. It’s cozier and less opulent, but with just as much wood and stained glass. The bar is old-timey and well stocked. Your bow-tied bartender can mix up a classic martini (gin, of course) just as well as he can a goofy, gross appletini. It’s the sort of diplomatic hospitality required of touristy places like these.

And touristy it is: overcooked, underwhelming, and remarkably overpriced seafood. Everything has this tacky “meat and two veg” sheen to it, which is especially disappointing when you discover the two veg appear to be of the Green Giant variety. Over-buttered, wilting green beans and julienned carrots, and the like. Skip the fish fillet preps at all costs; shellfish tends to perform better here, and that’s really part of the show anyway. Crack open a whole Dungeness crab, served only at the Jake’s Crawfish location, which looks like a heaping red monster trying to feed itself on your bland white rice. (Have at it, crab.) And what fun it is to delight your tablemates by ripping tails off the boiled crawfish and imploring them to try sucking the heads.

The whole scene looks like a good time, and indeed it might be. As long as you go for the escapist theming and not for great seafood (or a great bargain), you’ll be all right. Even if you’re not, Jake’s—it seems from the continuous stream of tourist business—certainly will be.