A lot of fuss is made over Akaushi, a breed of Japanese wagyu raised in Texas. Its muscle fibers are longer and thinner, resulting in more tender meat, and the fat’s intramuscular, so you get a great composition of flavor and texture. It’s full of monounsaturated fat, making it much healthier than the typical Choice—or even Prime—ground beef. Here, it makes for a good, juicy burger that’s especially pleasing if you go in for complex constructions.

A Shipley’s donut burger is just over the top completely, but somehow works; the caramelized onions tie it all together. A Vietnamese-inspired burger with pâté and pickled carrots is even more of a flavor stretch, as is an Aussie-inspired burger with beets and grilled pineapple. Better are the more classic approaches, like a “Houston” with bacon-onion jam and house-made pickled jalapeños; the maple-smoked cheddar’s a crazy delicious flavor despite not having the melting capabilities of American.

There’s a glut of other ecstasy-inducing items like epic milkshakes, cane-sugar soda fountain drinks, wonderful hot dogs (especially the one wrapped in crisp bacon), and duck fat french fries that manage an erotic hypnosis. Rack up a slew of the eleventy-jillion dipping sauces here, including a Lebanese aïoli and a wonderful jalapeño-cilantro, and try to undo all the good you just did by eating Akaushi beef.